KOBY'S CORNER: WHY I WANT YOU TO DIE!

KOBY'S CORNER: WHY I WANT YOU TO DIE!: Haha. Guess I caught your attention. However, that doesn’t mean I am kidding. I seriously want you (yes you!) to die. I’ve been ponde...

WHY I WANT YOU TO DIE!

Haha. Guess I caught your attention. However, that doesn’t mean I am kidding. I seriously want you (yes you!) to die. I’ve been pondering on this for a while and I think it’s about time I told you why I so much yearn for you to die…  

We live in an overpopulated world of about 7 billion people (and still counting) where the basic necessities of life are extremely rare to come by, especially by a chunk of this whopping population. A lot more others, after struggling to have a sip of life’s necessities, are further oppressed, with the little they have, being wrestled back from them by the heartless, corrupt few.  

So… I somewhat began to side with nature. Because… in its own wisdom, it put in place measures to check and balance the population. These measures… we call natural disasters! Such disasters include floods, pandemics, hurricanes, name them. These ‘disasters’ are only means nature is trying to help us ooo… At least, with the existence of a checked-and-balanced population on Earth, maybe… each of us each day could have a three square meal and even more! 

However, let’s take a look at Africa. We slaughter each other every day at the least provocation. Most leaders oppress their subordinates to death. At almost every election, there’s some kind of shed of blood. So… we don’t even allow nature to do its own selection by way of the ‘disasters’. We do it ourselves!    

Does it then mean our population is balanced here in Africa? Hmm… maybe… maybe not! In spite of the natural disasters (especially drought) that have plagued our continent, we still have a chunk of us wallowing in abject poverty! Regardless of how much or few we are, we still struggle to survive; almost always doing so at the expense of baits called aids and grants. So… the matter of survival is not about numbers at all! Most continents far outnumber us yet, we dream of seeking greener pastures there.

I come back to ask… did I want you to literally die... then? Of course not! The more we die, the more sorrow there is, hence, the more our problems are even compounded. What I wanted to die was the tyrant within you, the greed that lurks in your heart, the hypocrisy that you carefully wear as a mask and of course, the corruption that has almost become your middle name! That’s you. I mean you (yes you!).

If we could share the little nature could provide and not push others around because they reposed so much trust and confidence in us, hence giving us power, our continent could be one we all could boast of. If you and I could be content with the little we had, and not desire those of others, to the extent of strangling them just to have theirs, our motherland could indeed be the destination for greener pastures for all. Think about it. It all begins with you and me…

So, if you still ask me… I would insist that you die… and I mean it! Because… at the death of the selfishness and corrupt you, we all begin to live! God bless Ghana!

I DON’T WANT TO REMEMBER ... MY VALENTINE ‘TATTERED SOCKS’ EXPERIENCE

I am skimming through my diary. Oh! It’s February 14th. I can see the ‘tattered socks drama’ shabbily scribbled here. Memories! I wish I just don’t remember this again!


It was on the evening of Val’s day. Most of the ‘campus couples’ had already gone on a night out. Like every Val’s day, there was a plethora of 'romantic' programs in and out of campus. The ‘Mr. Lonely’ that I was, I lay in bed listening to some dead, highlife ‘adadamu’ music. At least, that was how best I could while away my loneliness; I had nowhere to go.


Minutes after being engrossed in my ‘by- force’ nineteen twenty something music, a friend barged into my room with an offer; a campus fellowship was hosting a ‘lovers-and-singles night’.


My good friend, another bird of the same feather, insisted we attended this event at all cost because maybe… just maybe… we were going to find our missing ribs (one for each of us!).

I embraced the idea. After all, I wasn’t making any headway with my good old music. It wasn’t really my thing.


Attending the event was going to be great. However, there was one problem; I had washed all my clothes earlier that evening. All I had were my neatly-pressed shirt, pair of trousers and… oh… my pair of tattered socks!

Actually, I had planned on discarding those socks early the next day. They had long outlived their expiry date. Those socks had seen better days ooo!


From the look of things, I had to make do with that pair of socks because I didn’t have any other, neither did my friend have any to spare.

Both of us headed for the venue of the program. On reaching there, I spotted this beautiful lady sitting alone at her table. My heart leapt for joy.

"Probably that's my missing rib!"


I deserted my friend and quickly joined her. He gawked at me as he sadly sat at another table occupied by only guys. I knew I had played a fast one on him and was going to have a good laugh at him when we got back to our rooms. I engaged the lady in a hearty chat. Wow! It was so refreshing. We talked on and on.


No sooner than later, our chat was interrupted. The preacher man for the night had arrived. He soon began to preach. Thirty minutes into his sermon, he revealed that the Holy Ghost had just whispered to him to do something.


I smiled. "Tweaa!"

I definitely knew it was going to be about money… of which I had enough. Obviously… it was going to be an opportunity to win the heart of this lady by giving out as much as she couldn’t imagine.


The preacher man then continued that he had been directed by the Holy Ghost to anoint our feet. My heart skipped a beat!

“Anoint our feet at this time of the night!?” I thought aloud. I knew this anointing service was definitely a recipe for disaster. My socks were tattered beyond repairs and I couldn’t imagine displaying them publicly.

Everyone could clearly see the irreparable damage by way of the patches and ‘potholes’ (big enough to contain my grandmother’s cooking pot) on them. The pretty damsel on seeing them could easily mistaken me for one mentally-deranged folk.


The preacher insisted on coming over to our respective seats to anoint us individually. Alas! Our table was the first. My heart palpitated. The look I wore on my face betrayed my insecurity. I knew I was in danger… a big one of course!


I saw the preacher galloping to our table. I didn’t need the same Holy Ghost to remind me that danger was coming. I cocked my neck around and before anyone could utter the word jack… I had bolted… with the speed of Usain Bolt!

WEY COURSE BE THE COURSE!?

In this part of our world, it is indeed a pride to go to the university. However, in the perspective of others, it is not just about going to the university but studying a ‘prominent’ course matters, too. Courses galore; a wide array of courses ranging from Zoology to Archaeology, Mathematics to History, Political Science to Theatre Arts! 

Welcome to the university where the mention of some courses gets one wondering what they entail and the prospects of one being ‘gainfully’ employed after studying it! At the mere mention of some of these courses, people burst into uncontrollable laughter probably because of their names. The respect sometimes accorded to one is even dependent on the course he or she does study. 

Inquisitive as I have always been, I was out there to sample the views of what some university greenhorns thought some courses entailed and the prospects of those who studied them. Yikes! Their thoughts were indeed witty. Honorable ladies and gentlemen, I deem it such a rare honor to present to you a tall list of courses, ‘prominent’ and ‘non-prominent’ ones alike and what people assume they are. Please don’t scream your lungs out yet…

HISTORY: The study of dead news! Those who study it are likely to become nothing but storytellers!

CLASSICS: The study of ancient Greek mythologies. Those who study it are likely to become magicians!

METEOROLOGY: The study of how to predict the weather. Prospects in this field are soothsaying or fortune-telling!

AGRIC: The study of production of crops in theory and never in practice. Graduates are likely to find themselves anywhere apart from their rightful belonging- the farm!

RELIGIONS: The study of as many religions as possible and how neither of them can be trusted. Prospects in this field are still uncertain!

BIOCHEMISTRY: The study of the brewing alcohol. Graduates are likely to take up jobs either in the brewery industries or ‘akpeteshie’ bars!

ARCHAEOLOGY: The legal exhumation of anything buried in the name of extraction of the past. Graduates become authorized gravediggers otherwise called archaeologists!

MEDICINE: The study of ‘trial-and-error’ methods of treating sick people! Likely profession is ‘trial-and-errorist’ better known as medical doctor!

LAW: The study of how to set two parties against each other and then mediate at the same time for a fee! Those who study it become liars also known as lawyers! 

ZOOLOGY: The study of how to manage animals in a zoo. Prospects in this course are zoo keeping!

POLITICAL SCIENCE: The study of political ideologies as a Science. Graduates are likely to occupy ministerial positions or become ‘foot soldiers’!

THEATRE ARTS better known as ‘DONDOLOGY’: The study of drumming and dancing. The likelihood of being a celebrity is very high because you would be seen on TV!

NATURAL RESOURCES: The study of how to maximize the nation’s already scanty natural resources, cutting waste down to its barest minimum. One is likely to be the president after studying it!

PHYSICS:  The study of abstract laws and theories propounded by some excited fellows. One is likely to take up a job in the field of bomb making!

CHEMISTRY: The study of how abstract theories can be proven in the testube. Graduates become confused SHS Chemistry teachers who can tell all about theories but can’t prove it!

HOME SCIENCE: The study of how to become a good wife as far as good cooking is concerned. Graduates become chefs! 

PHILOSOPHY: The study of controversial ideologies and how to effectively confuse others and yourself with them.  Those who study it are likely to be social commentators! 

PHARMACY:  The study of how to prescribe drugs at your own discretion even at the peril of your unsuspecting customers. Prospects in this field are chemical selling!        

LANGUAGES: The study of foreign languages and how to interpret and misinterpret them as and when necessary. Graduates are likely to find themselves in the courts of law, embassies and so on and so forth! 

HERBAL MEDICINE: The study of how to clinically make drugs from leaves. Graduates become fetish priests!

SCULPTURE: The study of how to professionally make idols from wood and sand. Graduates become sculptors who can strike deals with shrines all over the nation!  

LAND ECONOMY:  The study of how to use land profitably. Graduates can best become typical Accra landlords who wouldn’t mind selling their lands and ‘perch’ on someone else’s!

PSYCHOLOGY: The study of the mind in order to draw hasty generalizations and conclusions. Graduates are likely to be football coaches!

OCEANOGRAPHY AND FISHERIES: The study of the ocean and its contents.  Graduates become professional fishermen! 

SOCIAL WORK: The study of volunteerism. Graduates are likely to find themselves with either the N.G.Os or Zoom Lion! 

NURSING: The study of how to completely serve doctors and in return vent your anger on the poor patient. Graduates become the doctor’s maid and menservants better known as nurses!

COMPUTER SCIENCE: The study of theories upon theories of computer by rote. Prospects in this field are assembling and disassembling computer parts in the name of repairs!

AEROSPACE ENGINEERING: The study of how to fly a plane, regardless of the total number of the number of planes and airline companies in the country. Graduates become dreamers who achieved their childhood dreams but never had the opportunity practice them!

SPORTS AND EXERCISE SCIENCE: The study of how to keep the body fit and strong, hence evading the NHIS (National Health Insurance Scheme) as possible as one can. Graduates are likely to manage keep fit clubs and gymnasia! 

GEOGRAPHY: The detailed study of map work. Graduates become ‘map-of-Ghana’ experts!

STATISTICS: The study of how to take stock of people. Graduates don’t work until censuses!

INFORMATION STUDIES: The study of how to intellectually broadcast information. Graduates are likely to take up jobs in the palaces as state-of-the-art linguists!

MATHEMATICS: The study of nerve-racking formulae that can hardly be proven in reality. Graduates have no other option than to confuse themselves and others in the name of teaching!

GEOLOGY: The study of how to memorize as many rock names as one can imagine. Graduates become tourist guides! 

Cherished reader, these are to mention but a few of the witty yet erroneous remarks of some university greenhorns. The study of every course in the university is extremely essential in our nation building; its name may, however, not seem enticing. 

For instance, the study of Political Science does not necessitate one to be a politician, as the name might suggest. In the long run, it becomes more than obvious that all courses are important.