IF JESUS' ADAMS WERE EVES

You’ve been wondering why Jesus’ disciple disciple team was an all-males one? I’ve been wondering, too. And… I just realized it! Want to know? Hear you go. If Jesus’ Adams were Eves…

1.      They would have insisted he wore Sarks belt, Gucci footwear and Roca shirts. And… all of these should match each other in a perfect color combination. Even on the cross, they would have preferred he wore a D & G crown!

2.     When he had sent them on evangelism and asked that they took nothing on them, they would insist on taking along only a handbag… and that handbag would have been fairly big enough to contain all twelve of them!  

3.    He would have chosen most of them at sea bargaining for a basket of fish to be slashed to at least half price!

4.     After Jesus had finished preaching, all the men would queue in one demand, “We want the contacts of your disciples for counselling!”

5.     Should they have seen Jesus walking on water, none would have asked to walk on the sea with him. They would have sighed, “We don’t want our nails and Brazilian hair to get wet. We just wore them yesterday!”

6.     When they had come to meet him talking to the Samaritan woman at the well, all of them would have surrounded him and simultaneously chorused, “We need to talk!”

7.     When the boy had brought the five loaves of bread and two fishes, they would have asked, “Is it short bread or tea bread? And the fish… is it red fish or kpanla!?”

8.    When the little children had wanted to come to Jesus, they would have insisted, “You folks should be learning how to cook by now. Go Home!”

9.   When Jesus had stopped by Zacchaeus hiding in the tree, they would have asked Zacchaeus, “What did you say to your wife today, too!?”  

10.  When Jesus had asked them to wait for him so he went and prayed, he would have come back to see them not asleep. However, they would be watching Mari Cruz!

11.  Jesus would have needed not to storm the temple to cane the sellers. The voguishly-dressed women disciples would just need to form a long queue, model suggestively inside the temple and leave. The market would have collapsed!

12.  Jesus wouldn’t have had to bother himself answering “Who’s the greatest?” question. It would have been “Who’s the cutest?” and he would have had to answer this question every two hours!

13.  Jesus would have had to spend more time settling quarrels than on praying. And… when Jesus had asked that one prayed for some sick people, she would say, “I’m not on talking terms with them!”

14.  When Jesus was about to be arrested by the soldiers, they would have threatened to take off their clothes and the soldiers would have run way…. and there would have been no salvation!