KOBY'S CORNER: BIBLE TIMES. 21st CENTURY TIMES…

KOBY'S CORNER: BIBLE TIMES. 21st CENTURY TIMES…: It’s amazing how time flies. Few centuries ago, we had the Old Testament era. And then… the New Testament era came and now, 21 st cent...

BIBLE TIMES. 21st CENTURY TIMES…

It’s amazing how time flies. Few centuries ago, we had the Old Testament era. And then… the New Testament era came and now, 21^st century. As I bridge the scriptural times and this current era, let me treat you with some good humor. Look at how some of these events would have looked like should they have taken place today. Don’t laugh too much. 

1.      After God had given Moses the tablet containing commandments written with his own handwriting, Moses would have screamed, “Hey God! You have such an awesome handwriting. Can I have your autograph? And… please your stylus… can I have it, too!”

2.      After God had created the heavens and Earth and said, “Let there be light”, ECG would have quickly sent a message, “Please, the level of the waters on the Earth’s surface is too overwhelmingly much. Please contact NADMO first. We can’t do anything now!”

3.      Potiphar’s wife would have told Joseph, “Hey, come let’s do the thing. After all, none of us would be foolish enough to tape it!”

4.      When Esau returned home hungry, Jacob would have said, “My red stew costs a fortune, considering all the spices and what have you. If you can give me its dollar equivalent, fine. If not, simple. Henceforth, you do every house chore there is. I play the TV games!”

5.      After Isaac and Abraham had returned from the Moriah mountain after the sacrifice, Isaac would have walked straight to Sarah, his mother, and yelled, “Now are you going to tell me who that man is to me!?”

6.      The Israelites would have stopped in the middle of the Red sea and taken ‘selfies’ and pictures of fishes all day long, after it had been parted into two.

7.      In the case of the ‘unburning’ bush, Moses would have gone around and called the whole township, “Hey see what I discovered. This is a tourist site. Start paying!”  

8.      After raising Lazarus from the dead, a politician would have convince Jesus, “How about considering starting your political career as my campaign manager so we can tell people we can similarly resurrect the economy?”

9.      After Moses had parted the Red sea with his staff, someone would have asked him “How about parting GH into two; all politicians on one side, the rest of us on another!?”

10.  If Judas Iscariot had passed through GH recently, he would have yelled “Hey fake prophets! Even a true disciple like yours truly sold him for only 30 pieces of coins to the rich. And… you guys are heartlessly selling him this much, even to the poor!?”

11.  When the kids were heckling Prophet Elisha, he would have screamed back, “Are you my co-equal? Tweaa!”

12.  Just as Jesus was ascending into the heavens, one of his disciples would have screamed, “Wait. Are you on any social media? I would poke you eeh!”

13.  When the three wise men were trying to locate the new born king and they were finding difficulties tracing the star, one of them would have complained “You see why I prefer Google map!?”    

14.   Adam would have told Methuselah, “Hey dude. It’s worthless to stay back here this long. This edey-be-k3k3 thing is not coming any soon. I’m leaving you!”

15.  I can only imagine the newspaper headlines after Peter and Jesus had walked on water. “SO ARCHIMEDES HAD BEEN LYING TO US ALL THIS WHILE; TWO DISPROVE THIS SO-CALLED LAW OF FLOATATION!”

16.  During Hosanna, the police would have accosted Jesus sitting on the colt, “Eeerm. You are arrested for trampling on the rights of this young animal.” And when he would try to explain himself, they would assure, “You would better ‘settle’ us before that animal-rights-activist of a judge hears about this!”

17.  After God had called Abram to leave his home to a land which He was yet to show him, he would have asked, “Eeerm. God, please, which real estate company owns it?” and continued, “I don’t want to have any litigation with land guards ooo.”

18.  After Zacchaeus had accepted his faults and decided to recompense his victims quadruple of what he had cheated them of, one of the victims would have complained “But the cedi has woefully fallen, so why don’t you just pay us six times!?”

19.  During the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, Lot would have yelled to his wife, “You dare not turn back. I have already taken the pictures. I would tag you on facebook!”

20.  When the soldiers had come to arrest Jesus, one of his disciples would have said, “Hey dudes. Be gentle. Most of us here are fishermen. We can really make everything seem dirty if you want us to!”

21.  When Daniel had been hauled into the lions’ den, he would have convinced them, “Hey brother. I’m Daniel. Let me show you 21 reasons why you ought to be a vegetarian like I am. One. Do you know that fat kills more than anything!?” and raved on and on. Then the lions would have smiled after his long talk, “Blah. Blah. Blah. We are deaf!”

22.  At the Beautiful Gate, when the leper closely watched Peter and John, they would have yelled, “Stop staring at us like that. We are not politicians!”

23.  In building the Tower of Babel, they would have actually stopped midway not because of language barrier. Rather, they would part company due to incessant arguments about how much a bag of cement actually costs because some of them would have been tampering with the price!

24.  After Jesus had feted the over five thousand people, the next day, a politician would emerge from nowhere and claim, “Yes. None but I did it,” and add, “these are some of the feeding policies I would roll out when voted into power!”

25.  When Jesus had entered the church in which men were trading and had started lashing them, one would have agitated “Hey! I already paid for this space to the church. My lawyers must hear of this. Infringement of rights!”

26.  During the great flood, someone would come banging at the door of the ark, “Hey Noah! Open that door. How did my poultry birds sneak in there!?”

27.  Some years after the Earth had been created, a group of people would have surfaced from nowhere claiming their contract of cleaning up the mess on the null and void Earth was prematurely abrogated. “We need judgment debt!”

28.  In the Garden of Eden, the serpent would have told Eve, “Can you see that apple there? That’s all you need to eat; the rest are all GMOs!”

29.  On the sycamore tree, someone would have yelled to Zacchaeus, “Hey come down. You have a friend request from Jesus, and some whatsapp messages!”

30.  After Peter had delivered his sermon that led to the conversion of almost five thousand people, he would have added, “Woe to anyone who would dare doctor this tape of mine. I leave such to the wrath of the God of Ayitey Powers!”